Righteous Tears
As I was taking a drive, I started thinking about how emotional the recent months have been. I am dying to myself. I have to put to death what I imagined my life as a fifty-something single mother would be like. I am dying allowing myself to feel the pressure of the release. The release of a dream, the release of control, the release of fighting a lifelong battle alone. It's been hard.
It's hard when you are trying to do the right thing for your family. Trying to make sure it lines up with what the scriptures say and what is best for me to do. But the more I try I don’t see the change I hope to see. As I die to self, I want to honor God, but I'm struggling. There is a practical and spiritual fight within me. It is the fine line that gets blurred sometimes. Letting go is hard especially when you are being asked to let go of things naturally does not make sense to let go of.
“Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?…But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.”
~Matt 6:25-29 & 33 ESV
The cares of family, the cares of unable to pay rent, the cares of needing to be responsible…all of these cares based on societies expectations. The expectations to have good credit, have money in the account, to have a spouse, car and owning a home. Like I said these are natural cares to have, but what happens when the cares of the world overwhelm you several times a day or worse keeping you up at night.
Old ways of thinking, believing, and how I show up in the world needs to die and its hard for me. So, if I must cry while I pray through it, trust and have faith that Daddy God will do what he said he will do, then I will stand firm on this...
“For the mountains may move and the hills disappear, but even then, my faithful love for you will remain. My covenant of blessing will never be broken,” says the Lord, who has mercy on you.” ~Isaiah 54:10 NLT
If this blog met you where you are will you pray and trust the Father with me?
Be Well.
