How Survival Mode Steals Your Voice
Survival mode. We have heard of this term before. Whether from social media, in our neighborhoods, tv or within ourselves. Survival mode is a term that is used to describe the psychological action many of us take when we need to protect ourselves from our circumstances, people in our lives and how to “get by” emotionally, mentally, and physically each day. When we don’t feel safe walking on eggshells, micromanaging ourselves and others becomes a way of life that traps our body in fight, flight, freeze, and fawn response 24hrs a day 7 days a week. It is debilitating. It is bondage.
I want you to know I have lived in survival mode most of my life. Being bullied in the neighborhood I grew up in from the age of five then bullied in school until the age of seventeen, homelessness 18 months of my young adult life, and emotional abuse as a wife, I know all too well what survival mode looks like, feels like, and sounds like. The voice of survival mode sounds like frustration with your children when they ask an age appropriate question and you react to it with a criticizing tone. It sounds like repeating yourself like a tape recorder expressing the wrong in your life as if it was the first time you have shared it with a friend. It sounds like, “I don’t need a man!”, “I got to do what I got to do.”, and “If I don’t do this now everything will fall apart.”
“And those who know your name put their trust in you, for you, O Lord, have not forsaken those who seek you.” Ps 9:10 {ESV}
One factor about survival mode I learned from experience is that there is a lack of trust within, trust with people and a lack of trust in your environment. Having to hold on tight to everything like an octopus in order to control the present state and the outcome of your situation is evidence that failure and disappointment is ruling your life. Letting go is hard, believing life can get better while in survival mode is also hard, but letting go of the callus grip and considering the possibility of letting go of control can be terrifying.
Our brain does not know the difference between what is real or not, however if the emotion of fear is prevalent our brain is going to react and do one of things it does best…protect us. Here is hope, you do not have to function in survival mode forever. You can practice what I will mention below to begin healing from chronic overwhelm, emotional unrest, and more.
1. Self-care. Mental self-care to be exact. Effective breathing exercises can help you to decrease reactivity and increase responsiveness. When we take time to pause before anxiety or overwhelm take over, we give our brain the opportunity to turn on the switch of executive functioning so we can make the right choice in that moment.
2. Change your focus. “The five Senses” is an exercise to promote calm and refocus on what is important…you. See 5 things ( name what you see), touch 4 things closest to you, hear 3 sounds in your environment, find 2 things to smell and name what it is, and taste 1 thing in your mouth (cold water, a piece of candy, food, etc.).
3. Invite God in. Look up scriptures about trusting God, fear, and God’s love. Read the scriptures out loud, pray and ask God to help you to let go and give it all to him. Trust me, he is waiting for you to hand it over!
4. Reach out for support. I know I said trust is missing but receiving support from someone who can offer it without bias is a start in the right direction. A therapist or life coach can guide you in fleshing out the thoughts that are keeping your brain from rational solution focused thinking. Finding the right person for you will do wonders for your mental health and your future.
Survival mode is stealing your voice and hindering you from knowing who you are at your core. Let me know if one or more of these suggestions was helpful to you.
